Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
