Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
