I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
