So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
