I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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