we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
