I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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