I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
