Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize