East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
