I love black thongs
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
