i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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