I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The best revenge is premature balding
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
