I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
