turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
