a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
