I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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