They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
