Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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