i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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