Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
