I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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