I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
