what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
