didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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