We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
