hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
