i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
