I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
