If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
