i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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