i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
