I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
