I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
