Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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