Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't turn off my feet"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just had sex on a roof
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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