well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
