I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
