Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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