You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
