There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
