she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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