you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
