I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
