Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
