I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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