we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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