did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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