I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
