there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
