I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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