they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
