I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
