you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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