Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
