Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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