your parents love me but you hate me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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