just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to be your penis for a week.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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