marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
