dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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