You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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