Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
