he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
