im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was like eating out sand paper
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
