Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
