did you get engaged???
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize