How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
