fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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