Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
