I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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