Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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