Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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