Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
