Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize