I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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