Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
