You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
