why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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