i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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