I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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