Can i not drive my cunt home
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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