ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
