I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
