I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
