thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
