I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
