I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
