Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
