tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
