I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
