He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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