Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
