will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize