Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
