I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
