how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
