So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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