I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
