The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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