Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
